Because, usually, the copy doesn’t answer the basic question: “Which means?” And it never drills down far enough to touch the heart of the customer.

Allow me to illustrate.

One of my clients is New Balance San Antonio, a highly successful chain of shoe stores in San Antonio.  Even when the economy tanked in 2008, owner Rob Kaufman still grew his business by double digits.

How?

By never cutting back on advertising, even when things were bad (a very important factor), and (even more importantly), by delivering a message that is relevant to the customer.

New Balance San Antonio can talk all day long about their 88 points of fit and 40 different shoe models that are created to fit the needs of every foot, but the business won’t sell a single pair of shoes until it can translate its competitive edge into language that means something to the customer.

Example: NBSA wanted to air a radio ad that addressed how “overpronation” of the foot can lead to pain in the body, emphasizing the power of New Balance shoes to correct the problem.

For nearly every phrase I wrote in the ad, I had to remind myself to listen to the customer’s voice in my head, asking “Which means?”

Even the simplest fitness regimens can cause knee pain.

Which means?

You may be wearing a shoe that doesn’t fit the shape of your foot.

Which means?

You may suffer from overpronation.

Which means?

Your foot is rolling inward more than it should.

Which means?

Your knees are vulnerable to injury.

Which means?

You’ll get hurt and you won’t get to enjoy the pleasure of being active.

Which means?

You need shoes that fit, and New Balance has the shoe for you.

The final 60-second radio script looked like this:

Sometimes, life just isn’t fair.  Why should working so hard to get healthy hurt so much?  Well, it shouldn’t! Hi, this is Rob Kaufman from New Balance San Antonio.  Walking, jogging, running – even the simplest fitness regimens can cause pain.  Why?  Because you’re probably wearing a shoe that wasn’t made for your foot.

You may be suffering from overpronation, which is just a fancy way of saying that each time you take a step, your foot rolls in more than it should.  That forces your big toe to handle most of the work needed to push off the ground for your next step.  And THAT means your shins, ankles, and knees are vulnerable to injury.  Let New Balance San Antonio make the hurt go away, with a pair of motion control or stability fitness shoes.  Crafted according to 88 points of designated fit, and with more than 40 models to choose from, you’ll find the shoe that will make getting healthy feel great!

Roll in to New Balance San Antonio today and make your hurt go away. Visit us at the Strand at I-10 and Huebner, at The Forum at I-35 and Loop 1604, or our newest store at Quarry Village.

Remember: when your feet feel good, your whole body feels good!

You can listen to the final product here: New Balance San Antonio – “Overpronation”

Granted, this ad won’t win any creative copywriting awards, but that’s not the goal – persuading the customer and growing your business is.

The next time you’re writing copy for an ad, a brochure, or a website, keep the “Which means?” question in your head at all times.  Answer the customer’s question, and keep answering it till you’ve translated your competitive edge into a language that will have customers knocking on your door.

The Dove Body Wash for Men commercial was one of the most popular of the Super Bowl XLIV ads.  But not long after, Old Spice introduced its own body wash for men and the commercial was so powerful, it went viral.

Lest you think body wash sales are miniscule, consider this:  body wash is a $757 million market, and in 2009 surpassed bar soap sales.

Is there room for numerous competitors?  Certainly, and we need to watch how each company lays out its strategy and continued messaging.  But out of the gate – comparing Dove to Old Spice – I see a definite leader.

You know how much I love Dove.  But this time around, my hat is tipped to Old Spice.

Watch each ad, then I’ll tell you why.











The Dove ad is creative and gets your attention.  It uses a softer communication style, which would be fine if the ad was aimed at women.  Instead it speaks directly to men, (especially at the end).  It’s telling men that they deserve their own body wash, and that it’s time to “be comfortable in your own skin.”  A feminine approach – one that will definitely work for some consumers (male and female).  But it’s not talking to (or hitting the emotional buttons of) the major body wash consumer:  women.



The Old Spice ad is not only creative (with a script that many people have memorized), it does something fascinating – it uses male communication style to speak directly to women. Short sentences.  Copy that says, “Ladies, your man may not look like me, but he can smell like me.  And that’s the next best thing.”  And, as my partner Roy H. Williams says, the copy is written in the imperative voice, commanding viewers to buy Old Spice body wash.  It speaks directly to heart and mind of the body wash consumer (not to mention the guy is pretty easy on the eyes, as well), especially the Sorceress.



It’s another example of how male communication style can be used effectively to grab market share with female consumers.  And when women buy, men are sure to follow.  Old Spice has been around forever (remember this ad?) – bravo for bringing an old-fashioned brand back to life.

If you’ve made the wrong choice, it could be costing you a truckload of customers.

Research results issued by Stanford’s Graduate School of Business and the University of Illinois at Chicago indicate that gender difference plays a role in the “thinking vs. feeling” debate.

In two different studies, participants were asked to rate which ads they found to be most persuasive.  The basic information of each ad was the same; it was just framed in different ways.

Take, for example, blood donations:

… one message, entitled “My Feelings About Blood Donation,” started with, “I feel that donating blood is one of the most important contributions I can make to society.” It went on to include several more arguments framed in terms of the source’s feelings — for example, “I feel that blood donation is the most fantastic thing I can do with 30 minutes of my free time.”

In a different condition, the message was entitled “My Thoughts About Blood Donation,” and opened with, “I think donating blood is one of the most important contributions I can make to society,” and went on to frame the exact same arguments in terms of the source’s thoughts — “I think blood donation is the most fantastic thing I can do with 30 minutes of my free time.”

Aside from the use of the word “feel” or “think” throughout the message, the content of the arguments was identical, yet those more emotionally oriented were more impressed with (and persuaded by) the “feel” arguments, while those more cognitively oriented liked the “think” arguments better.”

Another study used movie advertising to measure the reactions of participants.  Women were more influenced by reviews that began with, “I feel…”; men were more influenced by reviews that began, “I think…”

Yet another reason Burger King may want to be careful with its next advertising campaign. A woman may think your ad is creative, edgy, and funny, but will she feel good enough about you to be persuaded into purchasing your product?

It’s a slim distinction that makes all the difference in successfully marketing to women.

Well, I do.  Most of the time, anyway.

I’m a strong believer in using the Neighborhoods of Women as a guiding principle in creating your marketing and advertising messages.

One neighborhood per ad, with a laser-like message.

Yet still, there are a few precious examples – as rare as unicorns in Times Square – that achieve the unthinkable.

Take a look at this TV commercial from 2003, for Dutch Boy’s “Twist ‘n Pour” paint:







In 30 seconds, the ad projects persuasive messaging out to all four types of female consumers – sometimes with words, sometimes without.

Regal Queen (spontaneous)

Vibrant colors, a latin-based music track, and fast-cut edits.
(Hey! This painting thing could be fun!)

Healer (humanistic)

A multicultural trio of women, all smiling and moving in sync.
(Yo, girlfriends – painting party this weekend!)

Warrior Princess (competitive)

Script: “Now, there’s a paint CAN that’s as great as the paint that’s in it!  Introducing the NEW Twist-‘n-Pour container, only from Dutch Boy.”
(That new container looks like my detergent bottle – why didn’t I think of that?)

Guardian (methodical)

Script:  “Easy to hold…  Easy to open…  Easy to pour. For a Dutch Boy Twist-N-Pour paint retailer near you, visit dutchboy.com.”
(Wow, no muss, no fuss – that’s as efficient as you can get.  I need to get more info on their website.)

When Dutch Boy introduced the new “Twist ‘n Pour” container in 2003, it cost $2 more per gallon than their same paint in traditional metal containers.

The paint flew off the shelves.  Dutch Boy tripled their revenue in one year.

The ad is a miniature masterpiece – 65 words, powerful imagery, and a soundtrack that sticks in your head.

But don’t try this at home, kids.

Unless you’re an advertising genius, I still recommend one neighborhood – one message – per ad.

What other TV ads have you seen out there that ring the bell like Dutch Boy – that have achieved the elusive goal of marketing to all women at once?  Share them here!

Indeed, it is.

Take a couple of minutes to watch this beautiful narrative about how the power of words can change a reader’s perception, and persuade her to take action.  Then, think about the messages you relay every day to your customers.  Are there changes you could make and, as a result, reach more people with more impact?  Food for thought.

Since we’re talking about the Regal Queen (Spontaneous) customer type right now, I thought Patrick Sullivan’s homework would be an ideal example.

Go here to read Patrick’s story about his experience, which includes the first draft (and a produced example) of a radio ad he wrote, and then the revised, edited version that came about after the WonderBranding class took a stab at helping him make it more resonant with the Regal Queen type.  It’s great to see how the copy improves from Round One to Round Two, and how much more effective the final, produced ad sounds.

Patrick created these ads in one day.  He even designed this landing page for his Jigsaw Health website which would be great for driving Internet traffic from a radio ad.  And somewhere in the midst of all that work, he was Twittering about the class.  Whatever those Jigsaw Health supplements are, I think they are working for Patrick!

It happens to the best of us – literally, as it’s only the good copywriters who try to move past schlocky “we-we” copy and who sometimes fall into what I call the “over-presumptuous use of You” trap.

Here’s an example:

“You don’t need to sort through another pile of “qualified” resumes. You need three, maybe five strong Candidates. You don’t just want talent. You need people who share your vision and will help you realize it.

You don’t want a lot of “viable” options. You need people who will blend with your culture and add energy and value. You need people who routinely outperform their job descriptions. You need to find people who aren’t looking for you.

You need professionals, not professional interviewers.”

This copy, taken from the home page of a magnetagency.net, was written by the Grok’s brilliant former editor, Robert Gorell.  And overall, I like how it immediately addresses the “why do business with us” question; there’s no question that Robert is a good writer.  But the consistent use of “you” bugs me.

I don’t like being told what I want, or think, or need.  And it’s not just me,  Most people don’t like web copy that presumes to “know” or “speak” for them.  All of which is triggered by the repeated “You” statements.

See how much cleaner the copy reads with the “you” eliminated:

So I replaced the explicit “You” with an implied “you” by using imperative verbs in the first two sentences.  But the thing about those imperative verbs is that most people read them as offers rather than commands, so they come off as far more inviting (and less presumptuous) than the explicit you.  It’s a trick similar to the one Jay McKinerney used in the first few lines of his novel Bright Lights, Big City:

IT’S SIX A.M.  DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE?

“You are not the kind of guy who would be at a place like this at this time of the morning.  But here you are, and you cannot say that the terrain is entirely unfamiliar, although the details are fuzzy.  You are at a nightclub talking to a girl with a shaved head.  The club is either the Heartbreak or the Lizard Lounge.  All might come clear if you could just slip into the bathroom and do a little more Bolivian Marching Powder.  Then again, it might not.  A small voice inside you insists that this epidemic lack of clarity is a result of too much of that already…”
– Jay McInerney, Bright Lights, Big City

And here’s what Colleen Mariah Rae had to say about this brilliant opening in her book Movies in the Mind:

“With the choice of second person, McInerney brings the reader as close into the story as it’s possible to do…We’re not watching this character; we are this character.  And notice how McInerney does this.  He creates an alter ego for the reader: ‘You are not the kind of guy who would be at a place like this at this time of the morning.’    Instead of triggering the usual “not me” reaction he would have gotten if he’d said, ‘Here you are; the club is either the Heartbreak or the Lizard Lounge,’ he lets the reader enter the story by saying, in essence, ‘In know you would never be here.’  It’s like having diplomatic immunity.  You can say, do, think, feel, be anything you want because it’s not really you”   [Bolding mine]

Did you get that?  The “Not me reaction” that’s triggered by too directly or presumptuously using “You.”

Ms. Rae is right: McInerney softened it just enough to avoid the reaction.  And the same can be said for dropping the presumptuous “You” in Robert’s copy in favor of more friendly imperative verbs: it softens the messaging just enough to get around the “Not me” reaction.

As Jeff says:

"The real question, then, isn’t whether you’re going to speak to
the emotions; it’s a question of ‘what’ versus ‘how.’ Are you going to
change what your readers know about the topic (and thereby change how
they feel about it), or are you going to change how they feel about
what they already know?

Choosing to change "what" is an intellectual perspective.  Choosing to change "how" is an emotional perspective."

This is powerful stuff.   Be sure to check it out, then apply it to your own writing – you’ll be amazed at the improvement.