Comments on: Direct Mail: What REALLY Goes Through The Female Customer’s Mind

By: Laura

Laura — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 21:40:46 +0000

Nice approach!

By: Weekend Links : Jeff Sexton Writes

Weekend Links : Jeff Sexton Writes — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 03:44:27 +0000

[...] Direct Mail: What REALLY Goes Through the Female Customer’s Mind – Michele Miller takes you through some women’s reactions to a Direct Mail piece making the rounds in Scottsdale, AZ. Get the brutal truth. [...]

By: jeannine McChesney

jeannine McChesney — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 23:47:52 +0000

ou at least read the piece. I would have tossed it immediately. Bad design, bad promises and bad copy! That equals crappy contractor.

Thanks for posting!

By: Gerry Myers

Gerry Myers — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 21:00:12 +0000

Michele
Is it a copywriting or a gender issue? Good question. I would say both. The grammatical errors and poorly worded copy are definitely copywriting, but the tone and choice of works reeks of machoism. As we all know, women are usually the major decision maker in home remodeling.

Even if it was well written, which it isn’t, it is way too long. It needs to have some easy to read, perhaps bullet points, that tell you what he does, why he is qualified, what he is offering, as well as how to get more information about his business if you are interested.

I don’t want to duplicate others’ comments on the massive mess this “sales tool” is.

Let us know if he hires you.
Gerry

By: Michele Miller

Michele Miller — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 05:02:39 +0000

Wow, guys – all fantastic comments! If I hadn’t just spent 12 hours in client meetings, I’d address all of your excellent points individually. You found new stuff, added some personal insight, and definitely made me laugh. I’ve had a couple of people also email me, wondering if this is so much of a “gender” issue vs. copywriting issue. The only real part of “gender” here, for me, is that with four times the number of connections into the right brain, the female brain is going to process this BS faster and kick it to the curb with utmost speed. Male brains are definitely going through this process, too — maybe not quite as deeply (from a linear sense) or as quickly.

Thanks again – keep the comments coming!

By: Kat Gordon

Kat Gordon — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 22:43:44 +0000

As a copywriter, this postcard was like Christmas for me. Such machismo. The cojones to ask for — no demand — a $4,000 sale in a 4×6 space. The blatant disregard for apostrophes. The false intimacy of “to our neighbors at” greeting. The bragging about $50 million budget projects in the past, despite falling from grace 12,500% to $4,000 projects today. My advice: forward this to Scottsdale’s best morning deejay for an on-air call posing as an interested customer.

By: Mary Schmidt

Mary Schmidt — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 16:00:44 +0000

Indeed.

I’d actually like to receive a postcard now and then from a truly reputable local contractor…or landscaper…or auto mechanic. I don’t have time to find them. Unfortunately, most of what I DO get looks a lot this (or even worse.)

And, the contractor will complain that “direct mail doesn’t work.”

By: Jeff

Jeff — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 15:49:40 +0000

Great post, Michele,

You nailed most of the biggest points, but I just wanted to follow-up on the “… If you’re the best, why do you need to keep your employees busy” comment bubble.

To paraphrase Roy Williams: the persuasive power of your limited-time offer is directly linked to the credibility of your desperation.

Methinks that the mailer would have done a lot better if the business owner was a little more transparent about WHY he needed to drum up business so desperately. Maybe he had just expanded to 2 crews right before the financial meltdown and has been working hard not to let his new hires go. Maybe 50% of his business used to come from new construction and he is looking to move entirely into renovations on existing structures? Or maybe he’s totally lying about what contractors “usually” charge and what he’s offering isn’t really that great a deal. Or he’s getting kickbacks from his suppliers, or…

I think that lack of transparency – especially when combined with the intentional vagueness of “…before the end of this month!” – creates an insurmountable amount of suspicion in the mind of the reader. It smells way too much like a scam.

- Jeff

By: Charle Moger

Charle Moger — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 15:08:22 +0000

The first five homes triggered my baloney slicer. Nice try at exclusion, but it has no teeth.

He could have lured the reader to a website with:
1. See receipts from my last five jobs.
2. Read what customers say, see the work we do.
3. Get our project planning worksheet.

etc.

It’s old school push-push. Where’s the seduction?

I’m betting he would get far more than five jobs from a Michele Miller marketing remodel.

By: Sarah Clark

Sarah Clark — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 15:01:32 +0000

Your article is interesting and thought-provoking.

Normally, I don’t spend time on critiquing flyers. When I go through the mail, t’s a split-second decision. Either they end up in the trash, or the company offers what I need done.

This guy has nothing to offer me. It was all about him. He wrote about his business, his employees, his financials, his need for 5 clients. And, he insisted that I be ready to go and spend $4,000 ($3,997 – give me a break!). That’s a phone call I would not make.

Hope he responds to your email – you could really help him!