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When I was young I talked myself into believing I was an alien. Not from another country but another planet. My family had a knack for seeming a little miscast at times, blown sideways through life. Clearly, I had been sent to earth by way of aluminum pod. Even a birth certificate and photos from the maternity ward didn’t cause me to waver – those convenient little pieces of evidence could be planted. I was a conspiracy theorist in miniature.
While I finally grew up and gave in to the inevitable truth that I did in fact come from the same gene pool, I still have to wonder about that planet thing from time to time. As a consumer, I experience regular encounters with sales people and customer service reps that speak an entirely different language from my own. I know what I’m saying; I hear the words coming out of my mouth. But it might as well be Mandarin Chinese – these people don’t understand a word I’m saying.
Yesterday, it was the dog groomer for Penny the WonderDog. Husband left the house to drop her off armed with minutely detailed instructions written on a "Jake’s Plumbing" notepad. About two hours later, I received a call from the groomer.
Them: "So… you want her to have a haircut, top to bottom."
Me: "No, you’ll see on the note that I want to leave her tail and face in the Golden Retriever style."
Them: "But you say to trim her face."
Me: "Yes.. trim it – snip off the long ends around her snout. Just make it even – no more."
Them: "OK… so you want us to shave her body."
Me: "I didn’t write that anywhere. See that line about ‘leave her body as is?"
Them: "Oh yeah. So you want it left alone."
Me: "Right-o. Just spruce her up. And whatever you do, don’t make her look like a poodle."
Husband returned mid-afternoon with the greeting, "Brace yourself…" I heard the door close and the chink-chink of Penny’s tags against her collar as she trotted towards my end of the house.
She had been transformed into a poodle.
Close-cut coat, shaved snout and hollowed out rings around the eyes. She saw the look on my face, sank to the floor and put her front paw over her eyes.
So help me God, if I hadn’t been in the middle of a client crisis at that very moment, I would have gone postal. I would have taken my electric shears, stormed the groomer’s shop and turned her into a poodle. I was PO’d; my husband sank into a depression wondering where his woolly Goldendoodle had gone. He was so low he couldn’t even eat his chocolate Jello pudding with whipped cream after dinner. Needless to say, there is a moratorium on puppy photos at the moment.
What does it take to speak the same language as those hired to serve the customer? Am I having one conversation in my head and another out loud? I don’t think so. More and more, it strikes me that a rare few companies have trained their employees to not only have real listening skills but to know what questions to ask in the first place.
The good news is that Penny’s hair will grow back (probably in time for Easter). Now I know how my mother felt the day my grandfather brought me home after giving me one of his legendary customized haircuts. Somehow, the bowl on my head slipped during the procedure and my head ended up looking like a gryoscope tilted at a 45 degree angle.
I told you I was an alien…
Michele Miller is a writer, speaker, and consultant on ways to capture the heart of the female customer. The co-author of The Soccer Mom Myth, she consults with businesses of all sizes across North America
I am still laughing at the mental vision of your poor goldendoodle. Pat him and your husband on the head for me.
I still love to read your blog and refer it to folks everywhere. I want you to speak by phone to my Dallas group in the near future. I will email you.
elderbob
PS. Still one of the absolute best blogs in the world…..
Hmmm…one wonders if something like this happened to Michael Jackson? (“just a little off the tip, please. I still want to look like me.”)
I think the root cause of the problem is that so many businesses, particularly with “blue collar” jobs – such as burger flipping and dog clipping – just don’t care about the employees, much less listen to them.
So, the employees sure as heck won’t care about or listen to the customers. Having worked in a few drone jobs in my younger days, I know the folks on the other side of the counter don’t see me as a person at all – and couldn’t even tell you want I look like two seconds after I leave. All I am is a task to be completed as quickly as possible. (Which was sadly the case with you and the Wonder Dog.)
And, most training is more about controlling the employees and costs than it is truly serving the customer – and building what in the long run is a much more lucrative relationship for all.
Whew! You pushed one of my soapbox buttons.
“My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake and they live in a state of constant, total amazement.”
-Meg Ryan to Tom Hanks in Joe vs. the Volcano
Forwarded to me by Kristin Lamb in our media department following a discussion we had at the Wizard Academy Reunion last weekend about the apparently pathetic “get it” factor in the general population.
Well, it can be very scary to be awake. We might have to actually take responsibility for our choices – in life, government, and employment.
One reason I so love blogging – we get to “talk” to other people are who are not only awake – but looking around, thinking, and acting.
This one has to go into the “classic” Wonder Branding files. Love your writing!
I had the exact same experience this weekend with my Labradoodle. I took him to the groomer for a wash and he came home shaved even though my instructions were just wash, don’t cut. Must be a bad weekend for doodles.
Please show us pictures.